My Money Story (part 1 of 2)

What’s your Money Story? We all have one. No matter how much of the stuff we have, or how much we love or hate it, we each have a money story and it begins in childhood and continues into our teens and adulthood. This blog is an introduction to My Money Story by Revd. Steve Pierce, and edited and adapted by Rachael Phillips

Our early money experiences shape our adult attitudes and actions around money. In turn they shape the attitudes of those around us. When we begin to piece these memories and experiences together and explore what they mean for us, we are beginning to learn our money stories.

Start at the beginning

When we start thinking of our early money experiences, some memories are precious while some are sad and recall harsh times. Some money memories are almost buried by time and it is only as we consciously think back that we begin to remember.

We might remember parents arguing or worrying about money, or money being a taboo subject at home. We can recall earning pocket money or how it felt to spend our first week’s wages. What about money milestones? Do we remember the excitement of buying our first car or saving for a deposit for our first flat? Of course there can also be memories of redundancy; a debt crisis; of signing on. All these memories are like the pieces of an unfinished jigsaw.

Each has a place and a meaning. When we begin to piece them together we learn to tell our money story and unlock the meaning of the memories. We explore not only what happened, but also how we felt at the time and what impact it had on us. We are always asking, ‘How does this memory and the feelings I associate with it still shape my attitudes to money today?’

Understanding ourselves

Exploring these money memories matters because whether we are aware of it or not these memories shape how we think, feel and act around money as adults. This is one lady’s story:

Money was never talked about at home. If I asked what something cost Mum just said, ‘That’s for me to know and you to wonder’! I couldn’t even ask why my younger brother got more pocket money than me! I only started to learn about money and the value of things when I started earning. Even then my Mum’s attitudes influenced me strongly. I bought a lovely coat with my first pay packet but I remember Mum thinking it was more fashionable than functional. The funny thing is that I still feel that tension when I buy nice things now! It was only later when I became a Christian that I learned from friends in church how to celebrate, to rejoice around money and how to give.

Learning our money stories is a crucial part of finding financial freedom. We want to be in control of money not let money control us and the self-awareness which learning our money story brings is an important step on that journey.

Owning where we are

One of the lovely things about becoming aware of how experiences have shaped us is that we have permission to be who we are. Rather than get frustrated at ourselves for our lavish spending or our stinginess, our carelessness or our money anxiety, we are aware of where it comes from. We may need to live for a while with the surface tension between where we are and where we want to be. For example, it may take time to clear old debts before practising the generosity to which we aspire, and, of course, when we know what our memories are we are able to prayerfully reflect on them and invite the Spirit of God to begin a work of healing.

Hearing the word of God

Learning to tell our money stories not only helps us understand ourselves, it also helps us listen more closely to the word of God. The Bible contains some 2300 verse on wealth and possessions. These rich, powerful, challenging and varied verses illustrate the complexity of our relationship with money. But that rich, distinctive Biblical perspective on wealth and possessions is not painted on a blank canvas. How we read, hear and respond to the word of God is heavily influenced by our money memories and experiences. They create a kind of barrier which makes it hard for us to tune into what God is saying. Until we understand these memories and the power they have to shape us, we will struggle to hear the word of God in the Bible clearly.

A Prayer for Money Stories

God you know every hair on my head. You know my history and all the things that have shaped me. Help me to put together my Money Story God, so I can understand my relationship with money better. Help me to not be afraid or embarrassed about my Money Story. Help me to understand why I spend or save or donate what I do. God you are my strength, please be with me in this and with the people I love so we can share together. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, Amen.

BEFORE YOU GO! You are very welcome (and indeed encouraged!) to use these blogs in parish magazines or as content for Home Groups etc. Please cite the website so others can find their way here. 

The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. They decided to set out on their own and leave their mother pig to find their fortunes. They had always enjoyed sports at school so each decided to set up a gym. The first little pig built a gym in the town centre and invited lots of woodland animals to use it. They did and he was very happy. But this little pig was so embarrassed about talking about money that he never charged his members. They used all his facilities and attended his step classes and got healthier and fitter and they never paid a penny.

Within months of opening, the first little pig was in financial ruin and he couldn’t keep the wolf from the door. One day he saw a debt collector van outside his gym. It said Wolf Collections and his heart sank because he’d read fairy tales as a piglet, and he knew he was the first pig. Luckily Mr Wolf, of Wolf Collections, had attended “Mission England” at Roker Park in 1984 and found faith in God. He was now a committed and practising Christian and had really changed his ways. He paid off the outstanding debt on the rented premises, shut the gym and took the little pig back to his home, giving him some sound financial advice on the way. The little pig felt ashamed but Mr Wolf told him not to worry, and he’d always look out for him. The little pig slept in the spare room of Mr Wolf’s flat. 

The second little pig set up a gym on an industrial estate. He always thought of himself as the smartest pig so he charged £200 a month for membership. Unfortunately the creatures living in this area were really poor and couldn’t afford to pay the membership fee. They thought the gym looked great and they really wanted to be part of it, but it was just too exclusive, too expensive. Within weeks the pig was in financial ruin and he didn’t know how he’d keep the wolf from the door. Letters from the bank were left unopened because this little pig hated thinking about debt.

Soon enough he saw the debt collector van outside his gym. He’d also read fairy tales as a piglet and thought nothing could save his bacon. Luckily Mr Wolf of Wolf Collections explained to the second little pig that he only wanted to help. He opened up the letters with the pig and helped him pay off the debt. The second little pig felt so bitterly sorry for his greediness. Mr Wolf patted his pink shoulder and said, ‘There, there. Don’t worry. I’ll always be here to help,’ and the little pig moved into Mr Wolf’s flat just like his brother.

The third little pig was a sensible pig. He wasn’t foolish or greedy. He thought long and hard about opening his gym. He really wanted it to bring the community together so he gathered all his friends and prospective members. He held a meeting in the old school hall that he planned to rent for his gym. He told the crowd about all the weekly classes he planned to run, the personal training he would offer, the healthier lifestyle and all the other benefits of being part of his gym.

Because he wanted to avoid the mistake of his youngest brother, he decided to be upfront about money. It made him really uncomfortable but he felt it was sensible and right. He told them that whilst he wouldn’t charge for membership and there would be no huge joining fee, like at his middle brother’s gym, he did expect his friends to contribute to the running of the gym. Some of the poorer creatures looked at their hooves in embarrassment. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘Just give what you can.’ They loved his gym and his whole ethos and they could see the benefits of being part of it. They were generous in their giving.

Some of the other creatures had plenty of cash and were a bit embarrassed about handing it over publicly as it looked a bit crude. They stared at their paws in embarrassment. The little pig said they could easily set up a standing order through their bank and that everyone was free to pay as much or little as they were able, and that it was all gratefully received, as after all, the only way the gym could stay open was if all its members gave what they could. The animals liked this very much, and no matter what their species, whether they were big or small or herbivores or carnivores, they were ALL welcome to train at the third pig’s gym. They didn’t have to train on their own anymore, they could do it together or even join in classes on an evening. 

When Mr Wolf heard about it, he paid the third little pig a visit. The pig was shaking from his snout to his tail when he saw Mr Wolf as he’d read his fairy stories, but couldn’t quite remember what happened to the third little pig. Luckily, before he fainted in terror, the first and second little pig jumped out of the van to congratulate their kind and sensible brother. Mr Wolf offered to run a spin class free of charge at the gym, and he suggested that the younger brothers ought to help with refreshments and cleaning up. The gym went from strength to strength because all the animals felt part of it and gave generously to its running costs. The third little pig even won a special award for business enterprise and they lived happily ever after. The end.

From the author: Some people might find the third pig’s story a little unrealistic but, then, so much of what we believe and teach as Christians is unrealistic. So much of what Jesus taught was unrealistic. Funnily enough, though, whenever people have taken Jesus’ teaching seriously, amazing things have happened. I guess the question we have to ask is whether the third pig’s story looks like the kind of unrealistic thing Jesus talked about. In this story we probably all see ourselves and our churches reflected in some way in all three pigs and deep down we probably want to be the third pig. We don’t all know a Mr Wolf who can pay off our debt but we do know Jesus who can do rather a lot more than that.

BEFORE YOU GO! You are very welcome (and indeed encouraged!) to use these blogs in parish magazines or as content for Home Groups etc. Please cite the website so others can find their way here. 

Don’t Mention The ‘M’ Word

I feel I can speak with confidence about how much people hate talking about money because I’m in that boat too.

A few weeks ago I had a leak in the bathroom. After the plumber had finished, he showed me what he’d done and we walked downstairs.

Then came the inevitable and extremely awkward bit. Stalling for time, I asked if he wanted another cup of tea. He had his tool bag in his hands and was ready for home, but thankfully he said yes. We talked and talked. Ten minutes passed. I hoped my husband would come home soon so he could deal with the situation. He didn’t. It was up to me. Conversation had run dry and he said ‘Right’ as he stood up, which of course means ‘I’m off’. So I had to do it. We had to talk about money. It seemed vulgar and rude, but he had to be paid for his work. I didn’t want to use the ‘m’ word, so I opted for ‘So… what’ll it be?’ and I made a smiley face and raised my eyebrows which I hoped would hide my embarrassment, but it probably didn’t. He told me the amount, and I paid him, and it was all over. Phew.

We don’t have a problem with paying for things in Britain. But we do have a problem with talking about it.

When I was in the Army and working in Afghanistan, I learned that when people introduced themselves, one of the first questions a stranger will be asked after ‘what do you do?’ is ‘what do you earn?’

In Afghanistan it is a perfectly legitimate question, and no-one feels shy about it. It’s like asking someone their height. Here in Britain we don’t discuss our income with our friends and often not even with our family.

We can feel awkward about money in church too. I’ve felt really embarrassed in churches before. Once I visited a church for the first time and the collection plate was at the back, and I missed it altogether. I’d given nothing! Another time I was at Salisbury Cathedral and had given all the money I was carrying during the offertory. After the service, when I was at the front of the queue to get coffee, I realised that I couldn’t contribute, so I left the queue empty handed because I couldn’t bear not contributing (or having to explain myself).

These examples are silly but true. I’ve since been told that the church is a place of grace and love and no-one would have judged me at all. This is true. The problem didn’t lie with other people. It was all my own embarrassment about money.

Why is it embarrassing? Some people don’t like talking about money because they don’t have much of it. Other people don’t like talking about money because they have too much of it. Whatever the reason, there’s something within us that makes the topic of money something we want to avoid at all costs.

The thing is, if we are going to respond to God’s love by giving, which is what we are called to do, then we have to face it. We have to talk about money. Why? Well contributing money (however much) to our church funds helps our parish church to continue its work. We give money to our church because God loves us and we want to share that message of love with our neighbour. It seems simple enough, but the act of handing over money or talking about handing over money or even thinking about having to talk about handing over money…. Makes us pretty uncomfortable.

Jesus spoke about money 33 times in the gospels. Maybe we could learn something from that. If we’re going to make a change, if we’re going to see our churches and communities transformed by God’s love and generosity then we have to say it: MONEY MONEY MONEY.

Imagine if we could embrace conversations about money. I wonder how it would make our vicars feel when preaching about money if they knew we weren’t squirming in our seats. I’d love to see the look on your vicar’s face if, next time you saw them, you told them you’re ready to talk about money…

Next time you walk into church, look around and feel blessed that it exists for you and your community because of the money (donations big or small) you and generations before you have given. Next time you are praying, pray for the people in your Parish, that they may feel peace when talking about money, and to those whose lives are a struggle because they feel they don’t have enough, or they are embarrassed about having too much.

God thank you for loving me and for all the gifts you give me. You give freely, without condition, and without embarrassment. You do not hold back. Please teach me to follow your ways. Forgive my embarrassment God; please don’t let it get in the way of my giving. I am like a child, O Lord, and I need direction and strength. I pray you will fill my heart with your Holy Spirit, and enable me to talk about money with grace. Amen

Top photo by Edward McGowan

BEFORE YOU GO! You are very welcome (and indeed encouraged!) to use these blogs in parish magazines or as content for Home Groups etc. Please cite the website so others can find their way here.